There are times where I cannot even wrap my head around how dumb I can be. Okay, so maybe I”m being a bit hard on myself… but um, let me explain what I did today…
So, it’s Valentine’s day! Austin and I decided to go out this weekend and get each other gifts, but I decided to go to the store after work and buy rib eye steaks, broccoli, and garlic bread to make dinner for my lovely, loving family. I pulled a recipe off Chef John from Food Wishes for a balsamic-butter reduction sauce to go over the rib eyes. I even bought mini valentines day cupcakes for dessert and got Sophie some cupid stickers. There’s no denying that I’m a good wife and mommy.
But as for being a good cook? Martha Stewart I am not. In fact, I could honestly call myself the polar opposite of Martha Stewart.
I started this website with the interest of bettering my culinary escapades and documenting the journey. Mom burnt dinner was a joke, a quip, hahaha so funny. But tonight, mom actually burnt dinner. You see, I started making the sauce. I did exactly as directed and was actually quite proud when I didn’t burn, maim, or crisp it. I set it aside and google searched “how to cook a rib eye” even though I had a basic idea. Sear. All the recipes said to actually put my Calphalon pan in the oven and get it REALLY HOT, like 500 degrees hot. ”HA!” I thought, “I’m not going to fall for that!” 500 degree pan + steak = burn. So instead of heating the pan in the oven first, I simply let it heat up on the stove for about 5 minutes. Slapped the perfectly seasoned meat onto the pan with a SIZZLE making sure that they ABSOLUTELY DID NOT TOUCH (as per the internet instructions.)
Then came the smoke.
I’m not talking a little “oops there’s leftover cheese on the stove coil” smoke, I’m talking BILLOWS of SMOKE coming directly out of the pan that I purposely DIDNT WANT TO BE 500 degrees because I wanted to avoid this exact scenario. But, being the smart cookie I am, I put a lid on the pan to avoid the smoke. Here’s a newsflash, people. The smoke HAS TO GO SOMEWHERE. And it WILL pop your lid off, and overtake the entire first floor of your town home. In a state of slight panic, I thought the smartest thing to do would be to put the smoking pan in the open window to air out. 1 So I did that, then I immediately opened the rest of the kitchen windows, turned on the fan, warned my husband of what was happening, and began to furiously waft smoke away from the smoke detector with a throw pillow.
Luckily, I had the foresight to predict a possible snafoo in my steak making, so I bought a value pack of beef. Only 2 had met their maker with the smokey fiasco, so I had 2 more to make. The pan that the previous 2 had been in stopped sizzling and smoking, so I went to take the pan off the windowsill and remove the meat.
…and with the pan came part of the plastic seal on the windowsill. I didn’t even THINK about the pan being hot enough to melt plastic. Plus, I didn’t even realize it was sitting on the plastic part of the window.
But wait! There’s more!
After plating the decimated steak, I put the new and not charred ones into the pan. Yeah. You heard me. I put the steak in the pan that had melted plastic on the bottom. And you guessed it! The plastic re-melted onto my burner coils. In my defense, I realized THAT mistake immediately, re-panned the good steaks, and ran cold water over the other. The second attempt at these was much better. Completely edible, and the sauce was awesome paired with garlic toast and broccoli. So all’s well that ends well… even though we will have to face the scorched windowsill when we move out.
A little funny: I grabbed the first plate out of the cabinet and put the burnt steak on it. Later on I realized that what I pulled out was a plastic, heart-shaped clearance item from last Valentine’s Day. If that isn’t the epitome of irony, then I don’t know what is.
- In retrospect, the smartest thing to do probably would have been to run outside and put the pan on the outdoor butcher block we have ↩